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And he
sent them to Bethlehem, and said, Go and search
diligently for the young child; and when ye have
found him, bring me word again, that I may come and
worship him also. When they had heard the king, they
departed; and, lo, the star, which they saw in the
east, went before them, till it came and stood over
where the young child was. When they saw the star,
they rejoiced with exceeding great joy.
And when
they were come into the house, they saw the young
child with Mary his mother, and fell down, and
worshipped him: and when they had opened their
treasures, they presented unto him gifts; gold, and
frankincense, and myrrh.
Matthew
Chapter 2:8-11 |
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From the Email Bag
Comments from Readers |
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If this story is true
then that means the fat guy at the mall was not
real, and never has been. For 8 years now I've been
spilling my juts out to this fat fake. I wish I had
wished for an AK47 last year then I'd find this
Steve guy and show him what naughty means!
- Bubba |
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Put me out of a job
will you! Do you know how angry an elf can get? How
about a pack of elves? You think the Taliban is a
vicious organization, you ain't seen nothing until
you've seen a herd of elves on the rampage. Watch
your backside Speer!
- Orodreth the Elf |
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If you’ve read the Bible you are familiar with the
birth of Jesus in Bethlehem of Judaea. You remember
how there was no room at the inn for Joseph and Mary
and they had to stay in a manger where Mary gave
birth to Jesus. And a little later on we read how three wise
men saw a star that directed them to the manger.
Well it’s these three wise men that started it all,
yep believe it or not. Only to this day I never realized
just how wise they were. |
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The Beginning of the Hoax |
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Well, they presented Jesus with gifts of gold, and
frankincense, and myrrh, and being warned in a dream
that they should not return to Herod they departed
to their own country by a different route. Herod
could not stand the fact that there might be another King
that could take away his title and position, and
wanted to rid himself of this Jesus kid. Sort of
like men feel today about Jesus so nothing has
changed in this respect. Even governments are
wanting to get rid of him so we can all have
fun without that awful word 'sin' hanging
around us. |
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On the trail out of Bethlehem they camped, and
during a conversation the dumbest wise man said,
“Let us gather together next year at the same time
to celebrate this wonderful event”. “Hey that is a
great idea”, replied the second and younger wise
man. He added, “And we can exchange gifts which each
other so we will always be reminded how much better
it is to give than receive.” Then the oldest and
wisest of the wise men who had been a
marketing guy at a local store in his home town said to
the two other dumber wise men, “Guys, hearken unto my
voice, I believe we are on to something here, and if
we are real wise, wise men we could eventually make millions of shekels
of of this idea”.
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So for one week they brain stormed their new idea
day in and day out. They decided that the gentiles
would be an ideal target for this yearly celebration
because they would spend money on gifts even if they
did not have it to spend, and they would believe
anything! One evening around the camp fire they were
laughing and throwing out ideas when the youngest
wise man mentioned having a fat man deliver presents
to everyone in the world in a cart with 8 donkeys
pulling it,
and get this, “they would be led by a special donkey
with a red nose”. This make them laugh so hard the
oldest wise man had to go pee. Upon his return the
other two could tell he was busting at the seams
laughing with tears in his eyes. “What are you
thinking of wise man, please tell us”. |
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After wiping the tears back he said, “While
I was peeing a vision of sugar plums danced
in my head, and I saw of a bunch of funny
little people at the top of the world making
toys for the fat man to deliver”. This
comment made the other two wise men roll on
their backs with laughter. “Yes, yes, and
they wear caps with a little fuzzy ball on
the end, and shoes with a toe that curls,
and some of them have these pointed ears”.
“This is great stuff” replied the elder wise
man, “Don’t stop now while we’re on a roll”.
“What will we name the fat dude?” asked the
dumber wise man. “How about Gideon Clause or
Elijah Clause, no, no, that sounds too
Jewish, we’ll get a name for him later. |
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Knowing they needed a name for the yearly occasion
they kicked around a few offerings. “Giftmas”, said
one. “Givemas or Givememas””, said another. “No, no
you dummies” we have to include the reason for the
season in the name of it”, said the wisest of the
wise men. “How bout Jesusmas, Marymas or Josephmas?”
Then the dumb wise man said, “We know that this baby
Jesus is called the Christ of God, why not
Christmas?” “You are becoming a smart wise man”,
said the elder, and so to this day that is what it
is called. |
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They decided to wait till next year’s meeting to
name the little fat guy but they did decide on
December 25th as the yearly day of
celebration. The last two days before parting
company they were filled with joy and thanksgiving
while jotting down more ideas to deceive the masses
about this holiday they had so cleverly planned. Late
one evening they packed their camels and said their
goodbyes promising to meet next year in mid December. As they rode out of sight
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the youngest wise man yelled back, “Merry Christmas
to all”. At which the wisest wise man replied, “And
to all a good night”. As they slowly disappeared
over the sand dunes and into the sunset they heard
dumb wise man say, “Don’t forget the presents”, and
they were gone. |
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Now I guess you are thinking this is the end of the
story but you would be wrong. Unfortunately there is
more.
Please turn the page to Chapter 2 |
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